Tuesday January 3, 2012 at 9:00am
What is a proper family? Traditionally, the definition appears to have been married heterosexual parents with two or more children. I am not sure I would necessarily agree that is exactly right, but it will do for now. But where does that sit in 21st Century society?
A new survey suggests fewer than a fifth of people believe they belong to a traditional family, with many believing their home circumstances are not represented by politicians or the media, while 77% believe single parents....
Thursday September 29, 2011 at 9:30am
Is it me or do people seem to be paying much more attention to the party conferences than in previous years? It was the Liberal Democrats last week and the TV and (quality) newspaper coverage was robust, as a politician might say. I’m not sure my memory is entirely correct when I suggest that just a couple of years ago some of the conferences seemed to be conducted in a shed in Marlow with a “news in brief” item on p24 of the broadsheets the only glimmer of media interest. It....
Thursday March 10, 2011 at 10:00am
What have Kate Winslet and a growing number of gay couples got in common? They both believe in marriage! Yes, the importance of marriage is a hot topic again it seems. Kate Winslet told Glamour magazine how she truly believes in the importance of marriage and the specialness of such a lifelong commitment to a partner. Yes, this is the same Kate Winslet who recently split from her second husband in three years. Heart-warming to hear she still has hope though. A romantic at heart. Her comments com....
Wednesday November 3, 2010 at 2:31pm
I was enjoying a good debate with a friend the other day on the reasons why people marry. Initially it came from the story behind the blog last week about the heterosexual couple who want a civil partnership instead of a marriage but cannot because they are not a same sex couple. That got us onto talking about the reason people get married. Of course, I said, it’s for love, security and to show commitment. He agreed but cited a number of other reasons, and among the more cynical ones (for ....
Thursday October 28, 2010 at 9:03pm
Or should it be civilianise me”? Or “be civil to me”? Whatever the right proposal may be, it certainly doesn’t have the same ring (no pun intended) as “Will you marry me?” What am I rambling about? A heterosexual couple are launching a legal bid to become civil partners. Tom Freeman and Katherine Doyle don’t want to get married but hey want their union to be formally recognised in the eyes of the law. The problem with the law at the moment is that civil ....
Monday October 11, 2010 at 12:11pm
I took a test this week and found it asked some tough questions of me. This was not an academic test. I’ve had enough of those in my life and thankfully I can say that the bulk of those are well behind me now. Now I think about it, test is too strong a word. It was just a simple assessment of the way I deal with things. Here’s a taste: • Do you have a tendency to criticise others? • Do you keep things bottled up and then eventually explode at tiny irritation? • Do you ....
Wednesday September 29, 2010 at 6:31pm
Divorce is not good and not a nice thing. In an ideal world it wouldn’t be necessary and I would have to embark on a different career. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind if it meant that all relationships were loving and happy and all children grew up in a nurturing environment with two caring parents. Sadly though we know we do not live in a Disney land and the reality is that divorce is commonplace. Many children cope with it incredibly well. Others struggle more but come out the other ....
Thursday September 16, 2010 at 9:41am
For years and years when we have talked about marriage and couples and bringing up the children, the assumption – to a large extent correctly – has been that it is the woman sacrificing her time to stay at home with the kids. This is not a personal comment on gender roles, but merely a statement of fact. Statistically, more women stay at home with the children than men, even in the modern day when it is common for women to go back to work fairly swiftly in many cases. Could the tide ....
Tuesday September 14, 2010 at 3:54pm
When I first read this article it did strike me more as the sort of thing you would see as a storyline on Desperate Housewives as much as a real-life report. A scorned wife successfully sues their husband’s mistress for £3.75 million. In the United States of course. But then, when you think of it, in this day and age, it is perhaps surprising that it caught my eye as being something unusual. Hardly anything surprises us these days. Children divorcing parents, football stars scoring w....
Monday September 13, 2010 at 7:09pm
It is an unfortunate reality working as a
family law solicitor that we regularly come across domestic violence. Some individuals suffer in silence for years before finding a way to get away form an abusive partner. Others courageously take a stand the first time an incident happens. Every case is unique – and every one is disturbing, whether it is physical or mental abuse. Now I chose those words carefully. I didn’t want to statements about whether victims of domestic violence are ma....
Friday September 10, 2010 at 4:13pm
We are good at explaining the law to our clients. This seems especially important when dealing with child contact, residence or "custody" cases. Things are so fraught. There can be a tendency to use the children as weapons in the battle.
We do explain the emotional issues, realities and also the suggested ways of behaving that might best benefit the children. Of course, many clients either take notice or don't really need to hear much about such things as they understand them. Judges ....
Thursday September 9, 2010 at 6:17am
It’s funny how certain things, if talked about enough, become accepted as the truth. Collective wisdom dictates that something must be true because “everyone” says so. Such myths need not have any basis in reality and yet large swathes of the population believe them to be so. Most are innocuous enough. “If cows are lying down, it is going to rain.” I am not sure that many bovines have weather predicting abilities in reality. “White wine gets red wine sta....
Saturday August 28, 2010 at 3:13pm
Divorce doesn’t have to be expensive. When I first started on this “divorce doesn’t have to be…” track a few weeks ago, I mentioned the fact that the cost of ending a marriage does not need to be excessive. Some people still cite cost as a reason not to get divorced, which is just madness. If a person is desperately unhappy, in an abusive relationship or does not believe a relationship can be saved, money should not be a barrier to them changing their life for the ....
Monday August 23, 2010 at 5:13pm
The States has to be applauded for moves to take the blame out of divorce. It will never work though. Blame starts in a divorce long before you get to the nuts and bolts of how the divorce process works. A rule change is unlikely to change that. A law package of bills was signed last week, including one that makes New York one of the last states to allow couple sot dissolve marriages by mutual consent. The no-fault divorce bill allows a couple to dissolve the marriage by mutual consent and witho....
Tuesday August 17, 2010 at 3:35am
Civil partnerships have become part of our culture now and are a long overdue recognition of loving relationships between same sex couples. It seems ridiculous that, for so long, gay couples could not show their commitment to each other in the same way that heterosexual couples could, or enjoy the same legal standing as what some might call more conventional unions. There are still a few oddities around civil partnerships though that set them apart so that many people will not recognise them in ....
Tuesday August 10, 2010 at 9:19pm
I was horrified to read in the news this week of the three young children found dead at their house “with suspicious injuries”. Eight-year-old twins Augustino and Gianluca Riggi and their sister, Cecilia, five, were found at the Edinburgh townhouse after emergency services were called to reports of a possible gas explosion. Their mother, Theresa Riggi, 46, was taken to hospital after being found on the ground outside the flat, having apparently jumped from a second floor balcony. The....
Friday August 6, 2010 at 2:51pm
Thousands of people will be heading to churches, marquees, hotels – as well as woods, stone circles, town halls and beaches most likely – this weekend to celebrate someone’s happy day. Whether it is their own, family, friends, colleagues or distantly known acquaintances looking to make up the numbers, any given Saturday in August is likely to be immortalised for a host of people. You could be forgiven for asking the question why though. There seems to be a sudden glut of weddin....
Friday July 30, 2010 at 9:22pm
OK, you have the pension CETV and are persuaded it is the appropriate valuation to use. Like my last Blog on CETVs, this article is mainly for lawyers from other firms who do not specialise in family law and who need some basic guidance on this complex area. If you are not a lawyer, this article on pensions and divorce is likely to be more helpful. The next step is to consider what % of the pension rights should go to whom. It is not an easy question!I suppose it might be assumed that the obviou....
Monday July 26, 2010 at 4:20pm
Some people wait for years. For others, they leap into it with both feet after having only known their soon-to-be other half for a short while. I’d never thought there was any prescription for when was the right time to take the plunge, pop the question and walk up the aisle. It seems I was wrong. Psychologist and relationship manager Dr Pam Spurr believes she has identified a “golden window” of opportunity for couples to get married. Miss the window by going too soon, and you ....
Friday July 23, 2010 at 10:02pm
Divorce can be very taxing Surprisingly to many people, there are actually quite a few tax implications of the ending of a marriage or civil partnership. Many are also surprised to hear that, for income tax purposes, the relevant tax year of change is the year in which the people separated and not when the actual divorce went through. A ”snapshot” of some of the issues would include:
Any tax credits sorted out during the marriage or civil partnership need to be reassessed ....
Friday July 23, 2010 at 4:02pm
I’m feeling a little bit revolutionary. I think it’s time for a change. Something is blowing in the wind. Working together, we can change the world, and all that. The way people divorce needs to change. Over the length of time I have been doing these blogs, and some time before, I have talked about a whole host of changes that would make the separation process better, from no fault divorce, to pre-marriage counselling and compulsory mediation before a divorce can be agreed. Most rece....
Tuesday July 20, 2010 at 4:30pm
It is something we have all heard of, but is it a myth or is it prevalent? We are doing some research to find out. Have you or anyone you know stayed married for the sake of the children? My perception is that a generation or so ago this was relatively common. Couples did stay together, no matter what. Wives and husbands were more likely to remain in unloving marriages for a number of reasons: a feeling that there is no other option, fear of the unknown, or simply because it was the done thing a....
Friday July 16, 2010 at 10:05am
We British aren’t very good at negotiating. This is a generalisation but also a generally held belief. Just look at the Money Supermarket ad running on television at the moment with comedian Omid Djalili mocking the English inability to haggle. Many a true word…. Negotiating can save a fortune if you just have the cheek to make an offer. Divorce is not necessarily different. Going to a
divorce solicitor does not necessarily mean going to court. Many couples going through a divorce d....
Wednesday July 14, 2010 at 11:05am
A fellow blogger made the interesting point recently that “a divorce is just like a wedding, only more honest”. Does that then mean that lawyers should be viewed in a better light than ministers?! No, I doubt it either. It does make you think though. Should the (traditional, stereotypical) wedding vows be amended to read “love, honour, obey and be honest”? Individuals do get swept up in the whole romance of getting married. For some – and I am not saying it is a hug....
Monday July 5, 2010 at 5:48pm
Many individuals who have to concede possessions or property to a partner when they split up do so grudgingly. No matter how good spirited most people are, anxious to do the right thing and ensure their former partner and children are provided for, I suspect there is almost always a little clenching of teeth to some degree or other. It might be a share in a house, or car, or part of a pension pot. So spare a thought for Dmitry Rybolovlev. The 43-year-old Russian oligarch is reportedly facing a d....
Friday July 2, 2010 at 7:19am
My last blog got me thinking. That's a new one. I do generally think about these pearls of wisdom before I take finger to keyboard, but the last offering had me thinking on the topic a bit more deeply. We were talking about how to tell children about divorce and I suggested some guidelines which I hope could help make a difficult situation slightly easier for any offspring involved. Ultimately though, it is still going to be heartbreaking for them and in many cases made worse by that fact that s....
Thursday July 1, 2010 at 10:27pm
Nick Clegg has today asked us all to help the Government make divorce better. You can see the Family Justice Review Panel they have set up, here.
This could be a very complex subject, so to keep things clear I set out below some quick thoughts.
1. “Take the fault and blame out of divorce”. We hear this a lot and it seems to be blamed upon the absence of “no fault divorce”. Where does that phrase come from? The present law is not about fault but about grounds. If ....
Tuesday June 29, 2010 at 4:28pm
HELP! Please. Our
family solicitors are constantly frustrated by misunderstanding and misinformation – much of it I have to say fed by American TV and films and the British media. If I had a pound for every time someone as contacted my firm believing one of these three most common myths I’d be a rich man. Myth 1 -
Getting a divorce means going to Court. No it doesn’t. Getting a divorce is a very simple process. You have to file papers at Court certainly – but this can be ....
Tuesday June 29, 2010 at 10:22am
There are many upsetting things about working in family law. You see the pain and upset warring couples cause each other, the wider family relationships affected forever and, sometimes, courts hearing about all manner of family details you would think shouldn’t be aired in public. However, in my view, the effect that divorce has on children, particularly younger ones rather than those who have flown the nest, ranks as the most painful thing about divorce. If the children are younger, they ....
Friday June 25, 2010 at 7:04am
Woolley & Co is an unusual law firm – for a start we only do family law. Our lawyers work from a home office base and are given full flexibility to work and see clients when and where they want. But that’s not what makes us really different. Our difference is that we genuinely want to change the way couples’ divorce, to remove some of the barriers (like the concept of blame in divorce) and to minimise the disruption to the family. You might think we are idealists or t....
Thursday June 17, 2010 at 8:25am
You never see Brazil doing it. Or the Germans. Or the Italians. But England? The minute our highly-paid superstars pull on the three lions shirt and have the eyes of the world on them on the football pitch, they demonstrate just how prone they are to shooting themselves in the foot. Often their own feet are the only thing they seem capable of hitting when they shoot. I’m not a huge football fan and yet I was starting to get swept along with the optimism that another World Cup campaig....
Monday June 14, 2010 at 2:56pm
There are few absolute rights in life, though the Americans have done their best by creating a Bill of all the ones they could think of. So it is difficult to understand why people think they have cast-iron rights when it comes to divorce and separation. You will still hear a distraught parent talk about their right to see their son or daughter (I did this week and it got me thinking about this topic), but the apparent rights of the parents when dealing with children are not what the authorities....
Thursday June 10, 2010 at 11:21am
I love gadgets. The latest technology has transformed the way I live my life, both at home but also professionally. Keeping in contact with everyone all the time via handheld, mobile, VOIP, email and more recently Twitter – though I am still finding my feet with it – has made it much easier for me to run a successful practice. Indeed, Woolley & Co is based on the principle that we use this technology to better keep in touch with clients and get cases moving forward as quickly as ....
Tuesday June 1, 2010 at 11:15am
Reports bounced around over the last few days use the phrase quickie divorce again. Regular readers will know this is a pet hate of mine. The media and the wider public at large just don’t get it. For the, record, one last time, and with feeling – there is no such thing as a quickie divorce, no matter how famous you are or how much money you have. The so called quickie is simply a divorce that starts straight away and is not contested so the paperwork speeds through. It will still ta....
Saturday May 22, 2010 at 9:00am
There are lots of reasons to get married of course, mostly emotional or even spiritual. I have some vague memories of law school when it used to be a reason to get married to get a significant tax allowance.
But romance has hit the heights again in the Inland Revenue and marriage can save significant amounts of inheritance tax. How romantic is that?! It applies to civil partnerships and married couples. It is worth considering especially if you are of a certain age.
The Direct Gov website....
Friday May 21, 2010 at 5:14pm
Those researchers have been at it again. Finally they claim to have discovered the secret to a happy marriage. And is it down to the man – being miserable. How this works in civil partnerships, I don’t know but for your average married couple, they are less likely to divorce if the man of the house doesn’t enjoy himself too much. You can add in your own jokes here about lives being made a misery and grumpy old men, but the study looked at tens of thousands of couples in Britain....
Friday May 21, 2010 at 8:43am
The media often campaigned in the past for the family and divorce Courts to be open to reporting. In the past they were totally closed.
Of course, nobody would want to see children identified, it is often said. How true could that be if they are the children of celebrities who seem to divorce very regularly and often much more spectacularly than the majority?
The last government "opened up the Courts" and allowed media access with safeguards. But there were problems from the st....
Thursday May 20, 2010 at 4:55pm
A new study by the LSE shows that men who do little housework are in very much greater danger of divorce.
Is this stating the obvious? I read in comment in The Times online that people thought it was. It does look obvious. But isn't there a very big difference between knowing the obvious and doing something about it? I do wonder if the housework is sort of incidental, it could be anything that shows the female partner that she is valued, being noticed and thought about perhaps? I say this....
Wednesday May 12, 2010 at 4:01pm
So the results are in and the deals are done. All that remains now is to see some policies. The Dave and Nick show has gone live and they have bound themselves together for five years, as if about to embark upon a marathon three-legged race. At least that means there will be no secret on when the next general election will be. First Thursday in May, 2015. You heard it here first. They could end up tripping each other up though. Despite my reservations, I do have high hopes of something positive ....
Tuesday May 11, 2010 at 1:27pm
So after all the hype, here we are, no further forward. Perhaps even two steps back. I don’t think too many of us are surprised at the “result”. It was almost inevitable that the election would lead to a hung Parliament but still I held out hope we might get a decisive vote, rather than a score draw. Not to be. The constant news coverage continues with the political commentators seemingly about to wet themselves with excitement, or so it has seemed at some points over the last ....
Friday May 7, 2010 at 9:58pm
As I write this, the results from the general election are still being discussed. It looks like Conservatives will try to form a government. What this means for the family issues that each party has promised, pledged or alluded to, is unclear. I think I’ll wait until the dust settles a bit before having my say on that, so watch this space. But I did have the idea that this was quite a timely point to set down a type of manifesto of my own. Well, perhaps less a manifesto and more a six-poin....
Tuesday April 27, 2010 at 9:18am
Single parents! Slovenly, all on benefit, all fat and lazy and their kids are all badly brought up and likely to be poorly educated drug taking criminals.
That is, if you believe the papers especially those on a Sunday. It seems never a week goes by without some "single parent bashing". Even at worst, surely the papers understand that for 50% of single parents it wasn't their fault that they are single!
It is time to stop. Single parents have to deal with access problems (now called....
Wednesday April 21, 2010 at 3:48pm
There is one ground for dissolution of a civil partnership: the partnership has irretrievably broken down. To establish irretrievable breakdown the court has to be satisfied on one of the four facts laid down in CPA 2004: •the respondent has behaved in such a way that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with the respondent •the parties have lived apart for a continuous period of at least two years and the respondent consents to a dissolution order being made •the ....
Tuesday April 13, 2010 at 2:02pm
Custody and access must be among the most misunderstood terms in family law – because they don’t officially exist any more. They used to of course, before the Children Act changed the terminology. But the 20th anniversary of that particular piece of legislation has been “celebrated” over the last couple of weeks and it is quite amazing that two words have stuck so strongly in the public’s consciousness, still bandied around 20 years after being replaced with “....
Wednesday April 7, 2010 at 8:59am
As The Guardian reported, the law has now changed to make it easier for gay couples to have chidren via the surrogacy route and be named as "parents" on the birth certificate. Indeed it will be possible, for the first time, for two men to be named as parents on the birth certificate.
Fertility law, surrogacy and same sex parenting is a complex area, albeit now somewhat simplified, but the article under the preceeding link gives an outline.
What amazes me is the reaction in the ....
Tuesday March 23, 2010 at 9:42am
There was an interesting column in the Guardian last week which has got me thinking a lot about the real reasons behind relationship break-ups. In it, columnist Zoe Williams suggests that there is no great myth behind why people – and especially celebrities – split up. This is not a creation of “Broken Britain” nor are pampered celebrities more likely to get divorced than anyone else. It is simply the case that it is normal for people to fall out and break up. Those manag....
Friday March 19, 2010 at 3:32pm
There is a temptation for us lawyers to judge other lawyers based mainly upon their technical legal ability. “She’s a good lawyer” (or not) is often heard. What do we know? Yes, us lawyers can judge if another lawyer has excellent legal knowledge as we are qualified to know. But what is the real test of a good lawyer? What effects do we have when dealing with a divorce or other family law issue? Should it not be our clients who have the say in whether we are a good lawyer or no....
Monday February 22, 2010 at 5:47pm
Now I have never had any aspirations of being a star of the screen – small, large, silver, or otherwise. So when it was suggested that a nice, efficient and modern way (as befits a forward thinking firm) of communicating money-saving tips to clients and potential clients was via videos on our website, I was not too keen. However, I have come to realise that this is an effective way to get across a clear, concise message in today’s fast times. Have a look and let me know if you think ....
Wednesday February 17, 2010 at 1:30pm
We’ve already covered the falling divorce rates so I won’t plough over old ground completely but I was interested to read Resolution’s response to the news that marriage rates are at their lowest since records began in 1862. The provisional marriage rate for men in 2008 was 21.8 men marrying per 1,000 unmarried men aged 16 and over, compared with 22.4 in 2007 and 31.1 in 1998, according to the Office of National Statistics. The provisional marriage rate for women in 2008 ....
Friday February 12, 2010 at 9:38am
In a previous Blog I have suggested that the government might just as well do away with marriage and have done with it! This was based on the gradual removal of the benefits of marriage as they used to be such as tax incentives and the indications that people living together would be given the same legal rights.
But maybe politicians won't have to do anything at all? It seems that we are just less and less likely to marry anyway. Indeed recent reports show that we are less likely now to marry t....
Wednesday February 10, 2010 at 1:20pm
Sixty-three per cent of people are in favour of making video wills, according to research from a group of charities which wants to encourage more open discussion about what happens to a person’s assets after they have passed away. Wills are still a hush-hush subject. Many people still don’t put pen to paper and it causes endless problems, sometimes even causing family break-ups, so anything which can encourage people to sort out their legacy is something I would welcome. We encourage....
Thursday February 4, 2010 at 4:45pm
The Law Gazette reports that children in divorce and family cases in Courts "do not trust newspapers". This was found after quite detailed research by the Children Commissioner for England. The presence of the Press might well cause children (and I dare say others) to restrict what they say in evidence.
Does anybody involved in Court proceedings trust the media? Should they? Should the media be allowed to be present at all in cases involving children especially given this finding?
Pe....
Thursday February 4, 2010 at 9:39am
"You should agree for a lower fee" is a completely understandable view we often hear from friends of our clients, normally. It is normally true. It is the actual Court hearings that normally cost the very large amounts of money and of course a Court hearing is a very good indicator of a complete failure to agree!
When shouldn't you agree?When you don't want to. Don't be bullied into agreeing because you "should".When fear of cost of divorce makes you. Ensure your divorc....
Wednesday February 3, 2010 at 7:37pm
Reconciliation is always on the mind of
divorce solicitors. If our client is the person starting off the divorce it won't surprise you to learn that they tend to be disinterested! But we will discuss it.
Of course the person starting has often had weeks, months and maybe years to come to the decision. The other spouse has often had a few days! It does surprise me how often people try to pressure that spouse into making decisions whilst still in shock. Dangerous stuff in my view--for them, their....
Friday January 29, 2010 at 2:59pm
The Independent has published some stats which cover the period of the recession. They include a continued reduction in the rate of divorces. That is not our experience here, but I do feel more and more general law firms are realising they should not be dealing with at least some of the more complex aspects of divorce.
Certainly we are experiencing very high enquiries about how to divorce, are in the process of taking on 2 more
divorce lawyers and still have legal jobs available!
But, the sta....
Tuesday January 26, 2010 at 2:13pm
The website www.maritalaffair.co.uk is the subject of a campaign by church organisations and indeed by a growing Facebook group who are seeking to shut it down or stop it advertising, at least on billboards.
Regular readers of this Blog will know that I am a strong supporter of the insitution of marriage, although I do accept that relationships sometimes end. So, what do I make of this?
First, let's remember that an affair is a nice, maybe exciting, word for "sexual interc....
Tuesday January 26, 2010 at 10:13am
Emotionally, is it worse to divorce in other words split up after a marriage or split up after "just" living together? Brangelina (should this be "Brand Gelina"?) have 6 kids (3 adopted) between them and just cohabited, but will they be less affected simply because they were not married, I wonder. I notice a tendency for me and I think many other people to assume many celebrities will be OK just because they have the odd £100 million in the bank? Is that fair?
Andrew ....
Monday January 25, 2010 at 4:47pm
Readers of this Blog know my irreverent attitude to celebrity divorce! But I had to comment on the reports (said to be false by the way) that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were splitting up. My comment is really on two things; the references to a prenuptial agreement being drawn up for the split and also the complexities of sorting out their finances if they are splitting. A prenuptial agreement is used before a marriage. I stress "before" and "marriage"! They are not married.....
Monday January 18, 2010 at 6:09pm
Families are becoming a hot political topic, not before time, but I still find it difficult to raise too much enthusiasm. Like so many times, the most recent rhetoric from both the Tories and Labour paints great big banner headlines but reveals little of the detail. According to reports, Labour will this week pledge support for families and parents going through separation and relationship breakdown. Very noble, but what will they actually do and how will this help? David Cameron, for his part, ....
Wednesday January 13, 2010 at 7:48am
New research has shown that more than two-thirds of consumers don’t know what solicitors do. The YouGov survey also showed only 13% of respondents would buy legal services from a supermarket but, encouragingly for us, more than three-quarters of those who have used a solicitor were either satisfied or very satisfied with the service they received. The same research though showed less than half said they would be fairly confident of judging the quality of help they received. Intriguing find....
Thursday January 7, 2010 at 4:00pm
A report from the Office for National Statistics shows that only 1 in 5 children live in married couple households.
Who cares?
Well, I do. That may sound odd coming from a
divorce lawyer, someone who helps married couples with how to divorce! But whilst I certainly think irretrievably unhappy couples should get a divorce, I have long argued for more funding from the government for support during marriage to keep it strong.
My comment about who cares is also directed at the government. It does....
Thursday December 31, 2009 at 5:25pm
How to divorce is one thing and we cover that elsewhere. But how to divorce and keep the children happy is much harder.
Of course, there is a lot of emotion around. I stress that when I use the word "happy" it is meant to mean "relatively happy" as normally they won't be. But sometimes they can be relieved to be away from a daily angry atmosphere, waiting for the rows to start.
My top tips are these:
do tell the children what is happening
try not to blame the other....
Monday December 21, 2009 at 3:27pm
Divorce lawyers in the UK are well used to being asked how to get a divorce without losing everything. There are two main aspects to this; how to save legal fees and also the best way to divorce. How to save on legal costs and lawyers fees • Try hard to agree what you can yourselves (but make sure you understand your rights first) • Get emotional support from friends or better still a counsellor but not your divorce solicitor • Remember your aim; hopefully it is not to “get&....
Friday December 18, 2009 at 7:58am
As UK divorce lawyers we see all ends of the spectrum when it comes to how couples divorce –whether they go through the process easily and in agreement; whether they experience emotional pain and distress or whether they put the gloves on with a determination to battle and fight every step of the way. From our years of experience of handling divorce cases it seems the couples who manage to stay friends after divorce are those who: • Don’t argue over the little things – the....
Tuesday December 15, 2009 at 2:36am
David Cameron has long made it clear that the party's policies should support marriage by tax advantages; perhaps like those that existed for many years?
I understand that this is backed by surveys suggesting children do better when raised within a marriage and a Conservative belief in the institution. I tend to agree that marriage should be supported in many ways, certainly in trying to avoid divorce.
Could the money be better used in providing counselling to couples in trouble? I think so.
....
Thursday November 26, 2009 at 7:50pm
This week saw the domestic violence charity Refuge launch the “Four Ways to Speak Out Campaign” to encourage sufferers of domestic violence to speak out and escape the domestic violence situation they find themselves in. Anyone can support the campaign in association with Avon cosmetics by doing one of the following:- 1) Sign a petition requesting the Government end the postcode lottery as 1 in 3 local authorities do not provide any domestic violence services 2) Buy an Avon empowerme....
Monday November 23, 2009 at 7:37pm
Maybe the Law Commission should just abolish all rights obtained during a marriage and have done with it? Why stop there? Let's just abolish marriage.
My reaction is to the gradual but increasing reduction of the difference between rights due to marriage and rights due to living together. The inexorable move is towards there being no difference at all. It started with the removal of tax relief, I think.
If it is shown that those ruling society don't respect the institution of marria....
Monday November 23, 2009 at 7:10pm
Divorce and counselling is a subject best left to the experts.
But, is nothing sacred? The field of divorce has increasingly been used by all political parties to attempt to show how "family friendly" or "child friendly" or even "marriage friendly" they are. Now it seems the government is suggesting that it can better arrange counselling for couples in crisis than Relate who have been doing it for years!
The Times reports that the government will soon advise GPs t....
Monday November 16, 2009 at 10:13am
Us
family lawyers are being asked more and more to advice on fertility law, surrogacy or donor conception arrangements.
Of course this area of law doesn't end there and there can be complex situations where, for example, a single woman and her best friend, male or female, want to co-parent. It is a legally dangerous area of law for those involved and can often have legal implications which greatly surprise people as one Andy Bathie will tell you. He donated sperm to a lesbi....
Thursday October 29, 2009 at 9:41pm
I spent a day at a training session for all of our divorce lawyers this week, designed by experts in their fields, to help us all better understand and support our clients. This was especially connected with the emotional issues of divorce and relationship breakdown.
Actually, quite a few of our specialist divorce lawyers have suffered a divorce themselves. We are not immune, you know!
The course led me to wonder if divorce law firms should employ counsellors to offer the more comple....
Friday October 9, 2009 at 9:04am
Family law has suddenly, it seems, attracted the attention of all the political parties!
I will not bore you with their proposals for change (frankly, they don't add up to much except a lot of words) but these are some of mine:
require couples to have a course of information and counselling before marriage (e.g. "how to argue"!)
make prenuptial agreements clearly enforceable
make the automatic rule on divorce to be 50/50 unless there is a prenuptial saying otherwise
no f....
Thursday September 24, 2009 at 1:11pm
Grandparents rights is still an issue which is causing huge upset and it is so unecessary.
The Times reported a truly sorrowful tale of a grandfather (a retired Judge as it happens) effectively being stopped from seeing his grandchildren after his son had died and also tells his opinion of what he clearly sees to be the suffering caused by the Court system. It also makes it very clear that he thinks the Children Act requirement that grandparents should have to ask for permission to apply for co....
Thursday September 17, 2009 at 12:42pm
The Government is considering forcing divorcing couples to go to mediation before being able to start divorce proceedings. Looking at that quickly, you'd think that was a very sensible suggestion. All of us would think a mediated settlement was better than one obtained from a Court. (By "better" I do not mean a higher figure but one less destructive to relationships and often much cheaper) The Times reprots that Baroness Deech, is opposed." You can't mediate with a person or coupl....
Wednesday September 16, 2009 at 10:03am
Massive divorce
financial settlements are humiliating to women, according to Baroness Deech reported in The Times! Well, are they really? If so I know a lot of women who have got over the humiliation very well. I am sure it is not the
financial settlement that is humiliating, if anything it is the social engineering that even these days leaves the average woman much less better off than the average man. I am with her when she asks for the financial settlement upon divorce laws to be changed and ....
Friday September 11, 2009 at 5:23pm
There are so very many myths surrounding divorce, separation and also living together. You know the sort of thing:
"I'm not entitled to anything from his business" (true or false--click the link to find out!)
"I don't need to get married as I have the same rights as a common law wife"
"I can divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences"
There can be some humour here in some beliefs but actually these myths can cause people a lot of unneces....
Wednesday September 9, 2009 at 2:28pm
Stop sleeping together seems to be the advice from Dr Stanley who set up one of the first sleep study laboratories and is based at the University of Surrey!
He told the British Science Festival that sleeping together seemd to worsen a night of sleep and that if one partner awakes there is a 50% chance the other will, too. Sleep, he says, is a crucial part of staying healthy and often ignored.
Well, he knows about this much better than I do! But we do often have clients seeking a divorce on the....
Saturday September 5, 2009 at 7:27am
A new study just out shows that women are about 3 times more likely than men to be arrested for domestic violence. See this in the context that men are much more likely to be physically abusive, although women are more likely to use a weapon.
Perhaps of more concern is that children were present in 55% of cases involving some form of violence or similar abuse. The effect upon them probably cannot be measured and issues of child contact and residence loom large.
Our divorce lawyers are of....
Friday September 4, 2009 at 1:11pm
The Times was not alone in suggesting that divorce Courts in the south of England seem to favour wives more than Courts in the north of the country.
By "favour" I think they mean give bigger awards when dealing with a financial settlement after a divorce, which is often referred to as a
divorce settlement.
Do they favour wives in the south? Let's have a look at the views.
Many men would say that divorce Courts favour wives in every part of the country! But I do not think they do. ....
Monday August 24, 2009 at 8:58am
It is a long held view, certainly by men in general I think, that women are not as good as men at business and therefore at law.
Why? I have no idea. Maybe obviously I wouldn't know as most of our lawyers are women. This is a list of our divorce lawyers at present and you will see what I mean. (I have to say that one more male divorce lawyer is joining us very soon, but then so is one more female divorce lawyer!)
Many firms of solicitors employ a lot of female divorce solicitors but very....
Wednesday August 19, 2009 at 9:03am
Many of our clients, who come to us to get a divorce, often question what the attraction was for them towards their spouse in the first place.
But I read (in the Telegraph no less!) that Amy Wolfe of Pennsylvania intends to marry a fairground ride manufactured by the Weber company. She will change her name to Weber after the ceremony. Apparently she was "instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally". She sleeps with "his" spare nuts and bolts to help her feel closer.
I ....
Monday August 3, 2009 at 10:50pm
I am re-reading Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. It has a lot of sense in it but one thing I'd missed before caught my eye. He says that he views "love" as a verb. Do it, just do it. Then the feeling will follow. He thinks this is especially useful in a relationship where one party says "I have just fallen out of love".
Do feelings follow the actions?
Andrew WoolleyDivorce Solicitor
....
Friday July 31, 2009 at 6:54am
You are in the middle of a difficult financial divorce settlement. Your spouse is being either very slow or very unreasonable and it seems that he/she may well be hiding some financial info. When in the former home you do one of these things: ...have "just a quick look" at their emails on their PC ...grab a letter from their lawyers addressed to themOr maybe you just receive a bank or accountant letter at your address meant for them. It sheds light on the situation. It is hard to fail ....
Thursday July 30, 2009 at 6:43am
During a divorce case, there will normally be at least a discussion about the financial divorce settlement figures. (The system calls this "ancillary relief"). Within this a Form E is completed and one issue within it is to complete a list of what needs to be spent on a monthly basis or what a person actually needs and would like to pay out if they could get the maintenance from the other to do so.
As in all areas of divorce law, it is important to be realistic. Claiming maintenance f....
Tuesday July 28, 2009 at 4:53pm
A study by Chicago University finds that “divorced or widowed people have 20 per cent more chronic health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes and cancer than married people, and also suffer more mobility problems such as having trouble climbing stairs and walking”. Apparently it is much worse if the person does not remarry. It seems that we start off with an allowance of health and can lose chunks of it due to certain events, divorce being a particularly impactful one. This sh....
Friday July 24, 2009 at 7:33am
We reported in our Newsletter for Professionals that a study by Grant Thonton suggests that money worries in the recession will help cut the divorce rate.Really?I don't think so. It will stop some people from starting a divorce just at the moment if they, as some do believe me, carefully calculate the best moment to pursue a financial and divorce settlement from their spouse. That is not normally when the economy is poor, their pension is down and the value of their assets reduced. But money wor....
Wednesday July 22, 2009 at 7:27am
The Conservatives think-tank has suggested various things, that they believe may halt the decline in marriage and slow the divorce rate. Some of them are very sensible such as pre-marriage counselling. But they have also suggested tax relief for marrying. Imagine: “Darling will you marry me?” “Oh, I’m not sure” “Go on. I’ll get tax relief” Oh, please! Will tax relief really cause more people to marry, who wouldn’t otherwise?
Surely the mone....
Tuesday July 21, 2009 at 12:47pm
As discussed in The Economist, until the economy became the big subject we heard a lot from politicians about “Broken Britain”, the reduction in marriage and the increase in divorce. Indeed recently, a Conservative think-tank has been suggesting counselling pre-marriage, a 3 month “cooling off” period before a divorce can be started and tax assistance if you get married (some of us are old enough to recall when this was normal!) So, what are the facts? Marriage is certain....
Friday July 17, 2009 at 2:43pm
Anybody going through a divorce surely wants it to be as "good" as possible? Obviously we tend to hear about "bad" divorces but that suggests there must be "good" ones! I suspect a "good" divorce must refer more to feelings than financial settlements, divorce costs, who got what and so on. But maybe where someone gets what they want as a divorce settlement, they'd tend to describe that as a "good" divorce? I am sure there is more to it than that.....
Friday July 17, 2009 at 7:38am
I read on a Web Forum that "Divorce lawyers in England feed on a diet of champagne and lobsters and can even afford mistresses". Admittedly, it was the Sun Online forum!I feel I need to rapidly confirm that I do not "enjoy" any of those things!
But I think I get the point. How can we keep the divorce costs as low as sensibly possible? These are some top tips:
Cost of divorce
Understanding the cost of divorce
Tips for controlling the costs of your divorce
It pay....
Sunday July 12, 2009 at 8:54am
Due perhaps to the recession and downturn in the housing and jobs markets, many couples who split up now have to continue living "together", that is apart but in the same house. It doesn't take a divorce lawyer to explain how difficult that can be.
Many of our lawyers are members of Resolution, a grouping of lawyers which promotes minimising conflict in family disputes and encouraging solutions that meet the needs of the whole family. This is a link to their Factsheet on avoiding....
Saturday July 11, 2009 at 8:39am
Divorce causes many unpleasant effects, to say the least. Ask anybody how easy it is to adjust emotionally after a divorce and financially after a divorce settlement.But a study reported in the British Medical Journal suggests that divorce (and still being alone some years later in later life) can increase the risk of Alzheimers quite significantly. So, watch out as you get older!
Now, I am sure there was something else I was going to say........
But another study strongly suggests that ....
Tuesday July 7, 2009 at 8:14am
Conveyancers, many of them solicitors, are just not doing their jobs well enough it seems to me. I have lost count of the amount of times clients tell me that when they bought their house there was no discussion at all about how to own it and in what shares.If married, it dosn't matter much normally because the Courts usually ignore whose name the house is in especially after a few years marriage, when sorting out a divorce settlement.
But for unmarried couples it can be very serious indeed. Ta....