Telling any child that their mum and dad are not going to be living together any more is one of the most heart-wrenching moments in life.

If the children are younger, they will not fully understand what is happening, only that their world will never be the same again. If they are a little older, they are likely to be angry and upset but might internalise the heartbreak.

So it is essential that any parent carefully considers the approach they are going to take when telling their children that their parents are splitting up.

There are no hard and fast rules about how this should or should not be done. Each situation is unique. But there are some simple guidance points that can be passed on to clients worried about what they are going to say and how they are going to say it.

All children will want to know what a divorce will mean, how it will affect them, and what changes are likely to take place. How a parent tells them will depend on their age and the particular factors affecting their own situation.

Do it together – despite the fact that a couple are splitting up maybe because they can no longer live with each other, it’s important to put on a united front. Tell the children together, reassure them that both still love them and that it won’t mean that they can’t see both.

Be flexible – try to keep as much of the old routine in place as possible but make sure that there are settled arrangements for children to be with both parents as soon as practical. Children are remarkably resilient and adapt to all sorts of changes so do not panic.

Be honest – tell them in an age-appropriate way what is going to change and a little bit about why. Involving them, especially if you feel that you can tell your children about the changes together, will take away some of the fear and unsettling feelings.

Don’t dish the dirt – there are some details that might not be appropriate to tell children about straight away, eg if there is another person involved. Do not see telling children of a break up as a chance to get things off your chest about the other party. It will only hurt and confuse the situation and inevitably inflame an already emotional confrontation.

Be prepared for questions – you may have to explain how it has come to this situation, will they still see their friends or go to the same school, where will they live, will they still see their father/mother etc, but don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know” rather than make up something.

No matter what the situation is, the children need to know that they are loved and it is not their fault. Telling them this in an appropriate way can go a long way to reassuring them and helping prepare them for the inevitable upheaval ahead.

For more advice on how to help children cope with break-up or on any legal issues relating to divorce or separation, contact Woolley & Co at www.family-lawfirm.co.uk. 

Children are unfortunately the ones often hit hardest by divorce and separation. They do not understand why their mum and dad cannot be together any more and this can manifest itself in many different ways as their daily life changes.

Naomi Richards is a life coach for children, helping them work through the issues that parent separation brings.

After working in marketing for 10 years and then falling pregnant with her first child, Naomi decided she did not want to work the long hours she had worked previously, so she looked at a change of career.

“I sat down with some girlfriends and asked them to help me with ideas and they said I should work with children but also do something where I could help them,” said Naomi, who is married and now has two children.

“I wanted something that would fit around family life and life coaching for children fitted the bill. It used the problem-solving skills I had and my experience of working with children years ago.

“I guess I am something of a pioneer in the field. I do not know of any other life coach in the UK that specialises in working with children. I work with children on issues such as friendships, communication, co-operation, self-esteem and confidence, and do a lot of work with children whose parents have split up.

“For children going through a divorce, they obviously want their mum and dad to stay together. They do not understand why they have broken up and they often think it’s their fault.

“I work with the child to find out what is upsetting them, get them to understand the issue and address it in an interactive and supportive way.

“It is a weekly process, based around 45-minute sessions, and there will normally be at least three sessions. Whether coaching takes place face to face or via Skype, children will feel happier and optimistic afterwards.”

You can email Naomi at Naomi@thekidscoach.org.uk, call on 07961 312749 or find out more at www.thekidscoach.org.uk. 

Woolley & Co are partnering with Naomi to offer clients free places on her Living with Separated Parents Workshops running over the summer.

How long does the average family spend together each day? 49 minutes

Families spend less than an hour a day together, according to a new survey.

More than two-thirds of parents blame financial pressures for getting in the way of family life, with mums and dads often blaming each other for failing to devote enough time to quality home life.

Some 55 per cent of mothers said their children’s fathers made too little effort – and 38 per cent of fathers accused mothers of the same thing.

The survey, of 3,000 parents and 1,000 children, found that mums and dads considered days out and holidays to be the highest quality family time.

However children disagree that family time has to break the bank with 66 per cent saying they are happy to spend time with family at home rather than going out.

The poll was conducted for National Family Week, which aims to encourage families to spend more time together and get parents and children to take part in active hobbies.

Wife left in financial ruin

Alan Peck, aged 52, walked out of the home he shared with childhood sweetheart having forged her signature on a mortgage to pay off his spiralling debts.

At Wolverhampton Crown Court on Friday May 28, Peck, aged 52, was sentenced to a 14 week jail term suspended for two years for making a false representation to obtain a mortgage for £48,000 on the home he shared with Belinda in Clent Road, Amblecote.

The couple married in July 2005 but Peck announced he was leaving suddenly in November 2009. He is now petitioning Belinda, his third wife, for divorce and insisting she either buys him out of the mortgage or sells their home.

“Whilst this case is a criminal one relating to a forged signature, is does highlight a situation that many divorcing coupes can find themselves in,” said Andrew Woolley, managing partner of Woolley & Co.

“Being married to someone has certain legal implications, like a share of assets and, as in this case, debts. Many people are not aware of this.

“Also, when a relationship goes wrong, one party may pressure the other to sell a property to cash in on the perceived equity there – or at least to cut outgoings. If there are no children involved, it is possible a court could force this action.

“It is essential that anyone unsure of their position gets expert legal advice from an experienced family law specialist as soon as possible.”

World Cup boom for divorce lawyers?

With the World Cup kicking off in South Africa, divorce lawyers are preparing for a busy time as relationships break up under the strain of a partner following England’s campaign, according to the Daily Mail.

A study has shown there was a significant increase in couples seeking divorce in the fortnight after the last two tournaments, leading to an expectation of a repeat performance this time around.

The emotionally charged atmosphere of the next few weeks can lead to confrontations and be the last straw for long-suffering partners.
But Woolley& Co is urging couples not to make big decisions at “pinch points” of tension like this.

“It is important that people don’t make life-changing decisions at times of emotional stress – like the aftermath of a big football game – and consider their situation carefully rather than making any snap decisions.”

Law firms missing online clients

Andrew speaks on innovation

As firms around the country consider how new, competitive business structures could see the likes of the Co-op and Tesco entering the legal marketplace, Andrew’s been called upon to share his experience of “running” a virtual firm.

“Being one of just two firms selected to talk under the heading of Innovative Firms is pretty flattering but we know we have to stay on our toes and keep ahead of what clients want and not sit back and rest on our past successes,” said Andrew.

The seminars are being held in Manchester, Leeds, Birmingham and Cardiff and can be booked through the Law Society.

Kick off for team sponsorship