There are many things that can contribute to a divorce and many that can help avoid one. Similarly, while going through the process, some things make it more arduous and others help the process run smoothly.

One contributing factor that is often underestimated in the influence it has is anger. At its most extreme, this manifests as domestic violence. However, the effect that failing to manage “lower level” anger can have on the rest of the process, the causes of a separation and on an individual’s support network of friends and family while they are going through a divorce, can be overlooked.

The legal process itself, with its form filling and arcane language, can make someone angry. The way a partner is behaving can cause anger and feelings of guilt over the situation and how it might be affecting children can also cause anger.

Recognising and getting help to express this anger will help with future relationships, help to teach the children healthier ways of expressing anger, and will assist with applications for child contact or residence.

“Failing to control anger badly affects loved ones, family, friends and relationships at work,” said Paula Backen, of Beating Anger Birmingham, part of a national network of The British Association of Anger Management which runs courses to help people deal with feelings of anger.

“Sometimes the biggest victim of anger is the person who can’t control the anger themselves. They can often suffer guilt and a lack of self-confidence, which in turn can fuel anger, repeating the vicious cycle.

A simple guide for anyone who fears they may be failing to deal with their anger over divorce or any other set of circumstances is to ask questions like those below:

• Do you have a tendency to criticise others?
• Do you keep things bottled up and then eventually explode at tiny irritation?
• Do you get upset when people disagree with you?
• If you’re angry, do you tend to take it out on someone other than the person you are angry with?
• Do you act politely when fuming inside?

If more than half of the answers are “yes”, anger could inadvertently be affecting you.
To find out more about this, read our blog on the issue, call 0845 505 3150 or visit www.beatingangerbirmingham.co.uk.    

Expert legal advice is essential for anyone looking at separation or divorce. However, particularly in hard economic times, not everyone can afford to employ the services of a family law expert for the whole process.

There are an increasing number of options though for people who need to go to court without a lawyer. HR Family Breakdown, run by Ray Barry and which is in the process of becoming a community interest company, formed recently to help the growing numbers of litigants in person in family court proceedings. They can help explain the process and break it down into bite-sized chunks, as well as helping as McKenzie Friends. Ray began helping other fathers after an acrimonious divorce, resulting in him losing touch with his children. He believes there should be significant reform of family law and campaigns on this front while helping guide others through the current process. Here he picks out three advantages for a person representing their own case relating to the Children Act.

1. A judge will pick up a lot of information about the kind of person you are by seeing how you conduct yourself in court. Your personal qualities can play a large part in a court’s decisions about your future relationship with your children. Acting for yourself in court allows you to better display this.
    
2. Many parents prefer to take personal control of proceedings concerning this most important of all matters, their children, as they are best placed to speak with authority on the detail and nuances of the case. Applications for contact or residence of children do not normally involve complex legal argument, and the court will always seek to settle such applications by agreement rather than by order.
    
3. It can be a lot cheaper. For those who do not qualify for legal aid and who would struggle to afford to instruct a solicitor to prepare all the paperwork and a solicitor or barrister to represent them in court.

For more information, visit www.familycourts.co.uk or go to www.hrfamilybreakdown.co.uk.   

Divorce “can damage children”

A leading family court judge has warned of the damage parents can do to their children by using them as “ammunition” on the “battlefield” during a divorce, the BBC reports.

President of the Family Division of the High Court Sir Nicholas Wall, speaking at a reception for the charity Families Need Fathers, said well-educated parents were particularly adept at using their children in this way and that a less adversarial approach is needed in the family justice system to help protect young people.

He said: “Parents simply do not realise the damage they do to their children by the battles they wage over them. Separating parents rarely behave reasonably, although they always believe that they are doing so, and that the other party is behaving unreasonably.”

The comments were welcomed by Andrew Woolley, Managing Partner of Woolley & Co family law specialists, who said there was a strong case to be made for children benefitting from the input of both parents after a divorce and that putting them in the firing line could jeopardise this.

“Children naturally have a loyalty to both parents. They are left in no-mans-land when they start fighting with each other which can only add to any feelings of loss, isolation and separation and damage a child’s self-worth,” he said.

“Shared parenting orders could be used more widely to help families provide the best environment for children going forward in the wake of a divorce.”  

Katie and Peter due in court showdown

Showbiz split couple Katie Price and Peter Andrew are due in court in a battle over “damaging” comments about Peter with claims that the case will expose all about their stormy marriage, according to reports.

Each is said to have lined up friends and family members as witnesses to back their cases following a writ in which Andre claims damages for comments made in a magazine article and on BBC2's Graham Norton Show last October. Price suggested Andre and his manager Claire Powell were an item, which they completely deny. The writ also details how Price was asked in a magazine to comment on Andre's music.

The case will yet again put the couple in the headlines and expose their two children to potentially damaging information about their parents, said Woolley & Co’s Andrew Woolley.

“It is really they who will lose as a result of this. There will be no winners,” he said.

“At Woolley & Co, we are regularly asked for advice on the most sensitive way to tell the children that their mum and dad are separating, and among the most important bits of advice is: don’t use the divorce as an opportunity to bad-mouth the other party. Children will still love both their parents and need input from both. Deliberately painting a less-than-rosy of a soon-to-be-ex spouse is not fair on the children.”   

Call for more mediation

More people should consider mediation rather than going to court to sort out family disputes, according to Justice Minister Jonathan Djanogly.

Speaking to BBC Radio 4’s Today programme, he said: “Too often people in family breakdowns are using court as a first answer when they shouldn’t.

“Often it’s dealing with contact with children or intimate personal relationships that really shouldn’t be going before the courts. We are determined to look at this.”

The Minister added that he felt the tax-payer should not have to foot the bill for courts just because parents won’t mediate first and wanted to see family law specialists help make couples aware of the options.

“Whilst interesting, I’m not sure the Justice Minister necessarily has his facts straight,” commented Woolley & Co’s Andrew Woolley.

“Whilst of course there are some people who relish the idea of a fight, lots of couples do come to agreements without the court’s involvement. Our lawyers are trained to work with clients to get agreement. Mediation is one option, but using lawyers who genuinely want to get an amicable solution for their clients is another.”

The Family Justice Review is due to be published in a few weeks. 

Liz settles in

We reported last month on Shropshire-based family law expert Liz Davies joining Woolley & Co as we continue to expand.

However, technical gremlins meant that we managed to link to colleague Kathryn McTaggart’s profile in this newsletter.

We thought we had better make amends and include the correct link this time around.

To find out more about Liz, who is based near Ludlow serving clients across the region, click here.

Liz Davies can be contacted at liz.davies@family-lawfirm.co.uk or on 0845 680 0587.